Watching the World Go By

Split-second Serenity. I believe I haven't posted an entry in this segment in a while. Not only have there been ground-shaking developments this past week, but it has probably been one of the longest for me as well. I was busy checking things off my to-do list that I had no time to stop and smell the rain-drenched earth. As I was juggling submitting midterm grades and covering the Regional Chemistry Olympiad yesterday, I came across the scene above. It was a picture-worthy view that I've been admiring from the third floor of our building since the middle of the week, which is why I finally decided to capture it while it was still there (the grass-cutter will surely make short work of it the following week). I brought the camera to my eye, breathed, allowed the world to melt away (albeit for the briefest of moments), and pressed the shutter.

Lab Art from the Rat Lab

I found myself bored yesterday afternoon. It wasn't a case of not having any work to do (the paper mountain from midterms week still awaited immolation my attention), but more of not wanting to do anything even remotely related to the four-letter word. My brain enforced a strict no-work policy, so off I went to the biochemistry lab, hoping that the mice would be doing something interesting for me to capture. No such luck.

I was going to stow my camera back in its bag when I noticed the rust and stain patterns on the sink surface and decided to look for intriguing textures instead. To aid in the obfuscation, I did a lot more work on these images in post than I usually do. After looking at the finished versions, I was quite pleased with how they seemed familiar yet different at the same time, making the mundane a little bit more captivating.

To complete the cycle of madness come full circle, let me give each of my above images a title. I'd like to call the one above 'Soul Erosion' (Wow, artsy!). ;-)# More of the inanity pictures can be viewed on my G+ account by clicking on this link.

Enjoy.

Light Stew

No, this post is not about any culinary delight or the making thereof. Although, I must admit that the title is a result of pining for a dish that falls under the stew category. But, I digress. This meandering piece is about adding an LED video light into the mix while shooting pictures using off-camera flash.

This picture is what got the gears in my head spinning.

The photo above was shot in the Forensics exhibit room during one of the chemistry road shows last year. The first stop was laid out to simulate a crime scene with a 'murder victim' to boot. To create a TV-crime atmosphere, the students who ran the room decided to go with an LED video light as a means to put emphasis on the current exhibit as the viewers were being walked through the room; and of course, to add drama. Since the lights inside the room were turned off and there was virtually no ambient contribution, I treated the LED video light like any continuous light source — like a fluorescent lamp without the weird color cast or the sun (albeit scaled way, way down) with an off switch.

And then I got to thinking, why not stick an off-camera hot shoe flash into the mix?

My Left Foot Out

I hesitated too long to post my photography portfolio on this site. I justified procrastinating by convincing myself that there were still a number of questions that needed to be answered to some degree of certainty. Tired with all the backpedaling, I just finally went through the longer-than-anticipated process of selecting my best work so far and posted it here for the world (or more accurately, for my loyal readers) to see.

I have decided that I will sufficiently prepare myself for this new endeavor as best as I can, but also realize that no amount of hyper-preparation will ever make me ready for every conceivable scenario. There's just a ton of lessons that can only be encountered and learned in the field, and they're not just going to go marching up my door and present themselves to me.

Photography Portfolio (2010 onwards)

So, I'm putting my best foot forward and hoping that the world notices.
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*You can view my photography portfolio by clicking on the 'Portfolio' tab under the site title above. If you are interested in commissioning me for a portrait, kindly click on the 'Contact' tab above for details on how to reach me.

On My Father's Shoulders

I have encountered many pastry recipes that listed a pinch of salt as one of the ingredients. At first, I found this quite peculiar. Why add salt to a mixture that is supposed to come out sweet? But after taking a bite off the first treat that comes out of the oven, I begin to understand the reason for the 'odd' instruction. Sugar is sweet and we expect it to be so; but, who would have thought that it is the few grains of salt that give the sweetness something to contrast with, essentially adding a layer of flavor to what would otherwise be saccharine monotony.

I would like to believe that the same can be said of physical strength. Sinew and power are only truly underscored when they are used to perform the most gentle of acts. As a young child, I would constantly bear witness to my father's daily feats of strength: moving heavy furniture around the house, swinging my book-laden school bag into the trunk of the car, and carrying my younger brother to bed when he would fall asleep on the living room couch while watching TV. When one is little, it would seem that there is nothing that one's father couldn't do. I remember 'flying' out of the theater, while precariously perched on his shoulders, after we watched Superman. Not once did I ever consider the possibility that I would fall.

Last Sunday, January 8, my father celebrated his 64th birthday. His step is a lot less sprightly and his once mighty shoulders have drooped with age. I find myself battling with the thought that there will come a time that he will have to lean on me for support. And if the cruel fates should conspire, I will be the one carrying him off to bed. I dearly hope not. Yet, at the same time, I am thankful for having had the chance to sit atop his shoulders that day at the theater because in that very moment I learned the true meaning of strength.

Happy birthday, Pops.

The Daybreak Diaries (2)

Like a Ship without a Rudder

I spent most of my life doing what other people expected me to do. When I was younger, I would accept the word of elders (and even peers) as irrefutably right because this was what good young boys did. I would get anxious at the slightest hint of disappointment that I developed an 'apology reflex' – I would say sorry even if none of it was my fault (you would know this if you bumped me on the street then). I stowed my dreams and hopes away to protect them from thoughtlessly being picked upon by others –

Is this your idea? This is clearly not the way you think.

That course of action is too impractical.

You, an artist? You're just pulling my leg, right?

This is just a phase. You'll get your head straight on in no time.

Do you really think you have what it takes to do what you're setting out to do?

I realized almost too late that living your life according to the not-so-subtle prodding of societal 'norm' set me up for that one fateful day when I would look myself in the mirror and not recognize the person in front of me. It is a daunting realization to have. Here you are too far along the course of your life following a map that people, who claim to know better, have thoughtlessly scribbled on. Wresting back control of your life and knowing all too well how much more difficult it is going to be to plot your own route and stay on it is downright frightening. I found myself disheartened on numerous occasions because I would choose the status quo over life-altering change.

Fortunately, it is a choice that is offered to us more than once. We are given many opportunities to take the wheel and seize control of our life. Yet, we are only given so many chances. Seemingly, each turning point follows a pattern for me: a long-awaited moment of insight followed by a brief period of clarity and serenity, and finally the everyday struggle that is the rest of my life. One would think that struggle would be too harsh a word, but in my experience, it is quite apt. And I believe that it is at this point that we get tempted to relinquish control. But, we have to stick with it.

It is true that the day-to-day labor of setting your heading and avoiding the cliffs and rocks along the way is a task that requires you to be fully present (I believe the word toil was coined to encapsulate the experience). Yet, I also believe that when you find yourself where you ought to be, the pains and aches of all that toil will all melt away.

If you find yourself too far away from the course that you initially charted, know that you can always turn back, but you would have to turn... now.

Glam Is Just a Four-letter Word

Like most Filipinos, I was born, baptized and welcomed into some form of Christian faith. As a man, a mostly unspoken 'macho' code was passed on to me – Don't cry in public (pretend to yawn). Treat women as you would your mother or your sister (lie to them to get out of something). Don't pluck your eyebrows (say you had a shaving accident). The list goes on and on. In my upbringing, sex and sexuality were not regular dinner table fare. I remember watching 'Ghost' with my Lola and finding myself staring at the ceiling when the film's lead characters were getting creative with pottery.

I thought I had outgrown the awkward elocutionary maneuverings around the... ahem, proverbial bush. But, I was wrong. Having gotten myself into photography, I found myself being drawn towards portraiture. I've spent the past three years in semi-serious pursuit of the craft. I've thankfully gotten to the point where I am confident enough to finally have people book me for sessions.

Admittedly, most of my subjects are women and with that I was introduced to the minefield landscape of glamour photography. The sexual and sensual aspect of glamour intimidated me at first. I found myself being transported to that uncomfortable moment in my childhood when my Lola asked me what I was staring at on the ceiling while Patrick and Demi were making something that sorta looked like a vase. The seven-year old Catholic boy, the happily married man and the artist coming into his own were debating the pros and cons of adding and developing this element into my photographic repertoire.

So, why the internal dispute? What is glamour photography after all? Well, there are far better answers from noted authorities on the subject, but allow me to elaborate on three points that I believe were vital to my understanding of the genre.

• Glamour, although it has been wrongly associated with it, is not porn. We can debate the difference between nude and naked all we want, but it all hinges on intent and context. If the intent is to show the sensuality and allure of the subject, then I say glamour. If the intent is to arouse and trivialize sex, then it is porn.

• From the point of view of feminism, I will to have to quote from an article written on the subject by Carol Dyhouse because I believe she perfectly put things in perspective —

'Does glamour empower women, or turn them into objects? It is important to remember that women practise glamour, they are not simply the object of the male gaze. And, historically, glamorous women were just as likely to be seen as dangerous to men as victims themselves. Glamour can represent self-assertion, sexual confidence, playfulness, pleasure and delight. But in the end, nothing empowers women so much as a good education and a well-paid job.'

• Lastly, if I may offer my own take on glamour it would be this - A glamour photo is first and foremost about the subject. As most subjects are women, the image should not only celebrate beauty, but the sensuality of the woman in the image as well. The subject bares her vision of how it is for her to show the aforementioned qualities and my job is to translate it into an image that measures up to her view. 

 

It was a drawn-out process of deliberation, but I've finally made the decision to pursue it. I gather that most people will misunderstand my intentions and misinterpret my actions. I understand that I have drawn a line in the sand where I now have to openly confront small-minded critique of any work that I'm going to put out there. In the course of undertaking this endeavor, I took the time to talk to the people who matter most to me in my life: my wife, select family members and my closest friends. And I assuredly have their full support, so I couldn't really care less for misguided and uneducated guiltmongering about sexuality (Yes, you don't have to tell me again because I already know that I am going to burn in hell. We can continue the lively discussion there.)

In fact, proof of this support is when my best friend, Maricel, agreed to be one of my subjects in building my glamour portfolio (hers are the pictures that are interspersed throughout this article). She and I developed concepts for the shoot. My wife helped me refine those concepts and supplied makeup and accessories on top of an encouraging smile. My good friend, Queenie, lent some articles of clothing and did the makeup for the shoot. The Baricuatros, Farley, Dia, Cacing and Komodo, welcomed us into their home and did not only offer us a beautiful and versatile location, but a hearty meal as well. And last but not least, a number of friends from work (Ailenn, Jinky and Sharajen) were present during the shoot and did not only provide great company, but helped me carry and move my gear as well.

And before I end this lengthy post, I would like to reiterate that in the end I am a portrait photographer. My mission has always been to create intimate and meaningful pictures of my subjects. If I had to call it anything just for the sake of classification, I wouldn't call it  glamour, but rather intimate portraiture.

As 2012 rolls in, I look forward to not just making more beautiful images, but those that give my subjects a beautiful self-image as well. Happy New Year everyone!